"10 THINGS Happy Couples do"

"10 THINGS Happy Couples do" 
By Mark Goulston, M.D.

Discover the 10 things that happy couples do:

1. Go to bed at the same time.

Remember
the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed
with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go
to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one
partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests.

After
the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few
interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities
you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not
present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to
cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to
your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side. 

Rather
than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples
walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more
important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.

If
and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t
resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than
distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.

If
you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find
something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always
find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy
couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. 

Our
skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no
touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin
bathed in
the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning. 

This
is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets
out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.

This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you
still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a "weather" check during the day.

Call
your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going.
This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync
when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an
awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be
enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. 

Happy
couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of
affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or
back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they
belong with each other.

Even
if these actions don’t come naturally, happy couples stick with them
until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it
takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum
of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love.

Dr. Goulston is the co-founder of CouplesCompany.com and the author of The
6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (Putnam, 2001).

Maundy Thursday Reflection

"I never wished anyone bad luck no matter how much they caused me pain. "


Around 1AM, another EX, let's call him GA - short for palangga, started texting me. Telling me how awful his life has been in the past 4 years.


Flashback  4 years ago: he dropped me like a hot potato after almost 6 months of relationship. I was so serious then that we even started living together. I would sleep over their apartment at least 2-3 times a week. And I was not wrong to use "THEIR", he shared it with his sister. Its a first for him to admit he's gay and a first that he allowed a partner slept over their apartment. Cheezy, I know.


The reason then was unclear as he stopped texting me or answering my calls. I even went as far as calling her sister and friend if he's okay as he's not picking up his phone or texting me. I felt the world came tumbling down at that time. I thought I would die.


Forward to 2011: I'm happy now. At least for now. I dont know what will happen next or what life has in store for me, but I can honestly say I am happy now with my current partner of 5 months. :D


GA: I have a song for you - The Past.. hehehe.. ( I think this one was revived by Jed Madela, "I was wrong when I hurt you..")
ME: (Deadma at first, but replied anyway) Musta? San ka sa holy week?
GA: Punta sa floridablanca. Sa haus ng family ng staff ko dati. May ipapakilala daw hehe.
ME: Awts. (An expression I acquired, ewan ko what's the meaning but for me parang aw, in a sweet tone)
GA: Anu yung awts? Wala yun no.
ME: (No Reaction)


After 2 hours.
GA: Miss you to (short for "toto", a name for small boy, used to be my nick). Wala lang, laseng lang..
ME: Baket ka naglalasing eh holy week?


Then he called. I answered. Then he relates how sorry he was with what he did to me and how he wanted my forgiveness. I've  already forgiven him. I have moved on. Things has changed and I decided to just be happy and continue my life without him.


He said he'd gone to Afghanistan and Singapore for work and all this time he has not found a good partner. And how he's been feeling "miserable" not having someone beside him for all his trials.


I dropped the bomb - I told him he was like that coz he rely his happiness on just one person and he gets frustrated when he cant find that person.


He retaliated - Yes, I am bitter coz you are happy! You have a partner, you are happy and you have a good job! (bitter much??!!)


I fought back - Yes, I am happy coz its my choice. You are miserable coz you chose to be miserable. You were never contented in the first place.


Then we started talking about what really happened 4 years ago, the time he left me. He narrates how he wanted to go back to his ex-seminarian. But it didnt work that's why he hooked us up. Yes, he gave my number so we can date. Which we did, but for me, my only reason is to get the closure I really wanted.


I spied. I investigated. And I got what I wanted - a closure. 


I can sense how low he must be feeling right now, and how lucky I am today. I can only feel for him. There was never an anger or cursing at him with what I knew now about what happened to us. But I feel sorry for him. I know I couldn't do anything to lighten up his burden. But this made me reflect my life. How I realized how blessed I am with what I have. Not near any perfection, but enough to give me ample happiness.


It didn't end that bad. :D I know we are friends now. I maybe in a better place as compared to him, but ultimately its MY CHOICE. I would have ended like him 4 years ago, but I  fought hard not to. Life is indeed a choice. 


Until now, I am still fighting my own battles. I win some, I probably lost more. But I'm happy, coz its my choice.


For now I don't believe in Forever anymore, only in prolonged happiness - while it lasts.

GMA Newsbreak....pasok!!!

GMA News... walang kinikilingan, walang pinoproprotektahan 


at walang maintindihan!! 

My source of joy - Hunter and Ming

Let me share with you two of my sources of joy: Hunter(male) and Ming(female)

These two never fails in giving me such joy and happiness when I am with them. Hunter is a 3-month old Japanese Spitz which was given to me by my beloved. :D Baby namen kya extra special. Hehe. Ming(golden brown), on the other hand came from my brother's now-wife, (GF pa lang sila nung binigay sa amin si Ming).

They are adorable pets and somehow makes me realize how simple life is for them. (mainggit ba sa aso! LOL) 

See how cute these dogs are!!!

The Haunting!

This is scary! As in! Brace yourself!


Kidding.


Eh kase naman, ever since I started this relationship almost 5 months ago, I am being haunted by my partner's past. Hehe.


Haunting #1: Out of 7107 islands, 2 sa ex ko ay nakilala nya sa chat. Although di naman personally sila nag meet. But the details are so graphic. Lol! (I think, this one is medyo not impossible!)


Haunting #2: Meron syang isang ex na long-time friend ko sa YM and I never thought na magiging close kami nitong ex nya inspite of their odd chance meeting (its another story) and not-so-good-dramatic-1-month-old-relationship.


Haunting #3: When I was about to buy my DSLR in Megamall, again, out of 7107 islands (low tide man o high tide!), andun din yung ex nya na sobra nyang minahal, at nasa iisang floor at building kami ng Megamall! Coincidence or pang-asar lang!!?? Happy Moment ko pa naman yun!!


Haunting #4: He mentioned someone na nagpi-flirt daw sa kanya. I take note of the name and how he looks like. Voila! The next day at my work, I saw him in the flesh! SPOOKY! (Pati itsura nya, haha... my bad!)


And I made some realizations:


#1: Siguro its a sign na wag ako sobrang seloso or else hahabulin ako ng multo ng past nya.
#2: Sobrang mahal ko tong tao na ito kaya yung mga naiisip ko, nagkakatotoo! (hindi ko naman ni-wish na makita ko silang lahat at makilala, I mean all his ex's. Okay, slight lang!:D)
#3: Pakalat-kalat lang talaga sila o AKO MISMO pakalat-kalat!


Sana last na to. Baka aatakihin na ako sa puso sa susunod na may "nagparamdam"! Or else baka TOPAKIN ako!

Vintage

I am happy the past few days and this is one of the reasons why. I so love the bitching... hahaha...

Si EX-kulet

As much as possible, gusto ko maging friends mga ex-partners ko.


For some reason, I know for some time, minahal ko din tong mga gagong to!


Kidding aside, shempre may nakita akong magandang qualities sa kanila at hindi lang dahil masarap sila. Haha... :p


Etong si kulet, we had a fall-out January 2010. As in hindi magandang eksena dahil nasa mall kami at dun kami nagsisigawan at nagmumurahan. Yes, you read it ryt, nagmumurahan! Kaya I told myself last na yun. Sa ibang araw ko na ikukwento yun.


Almost 3 years din kami at 1 year since we lived in the same house. Yes, we tried living in, a first for both of us.


For more than year now, and after several failed relationships ko (I had 3 in a year! Ganda lang, ika nga! Hahaha), we finally had a closure one evening somewhere in Makati. I felt relieved. And I also mentioned that I have a partner already though we had some issues too.


Last night, we had a text brigade:


Ex: May prob ba?
Me: Wala naman. Bket mo naitanong?
Ex: Kase parang wala kang gana magtext eh. I just thought na baka may prob ka. Concern lang.
Me: (Walang kilig, pramis) Ah ok. Im gud. Shempre di naman na tayo kaya may magbabago talaga at may partner na akong bago.
Ex: Ahh.. nde na ako sanay sayo eh. Topak, may sasabihin pala ako sayo...
Me: Sige gow, watch lang ako Mara Clara (naadik ako dito, pramis! Sa kaiiyak ni Mara, sa malditang si Clara, sa hayuf na si Gary, sa tangang Alvira at Amante! Makakalimutan ko ba ang super funny na sosyalerang si Desiree aka Kiray? Haha. Kabisado ko di ba?)
Ex: Pag 35 k na at nagkataon na single ka at single ako, tayo na lang ulet? Hehehe...
Me: Nyek, 3 years from now na yun. Tsaka happy na ako ngayon...
Ex: (Fan yata ni jaworki eto, never say die!) Shempre iba na yun, nag iba na tayo. Madami ng nagbago sa ugali at pananaw naten. (Nababago nga ba ang ugali in just 2-3 years? Ganun kadali?) Naisip ko lang kase lifetime na yun. Yung ako na nag-aalaga sayo pag may sakit ka at matanda ka na :) wala lang. (so 3 years from now pala matanda na ako, pano na yung 50 by then, ano na sila, ingkong??)
Me: Pero its too early to say. And up until now, wala pa ko binabalikan sa mga ex ko. (Yes, my fellow readers, wala pa talaga. Kase even before I gave up, I made sure I tried my best to save what's left of our relationship. Winner di ba?)
Ex: Naisip ko lang naman. Kung sakaling single tayo pareho. Shempre as much as possible gusto naten na may kasama tayo sa pagtanda. (I care about my job, sir, I care about you! Gawin ba kong caregiver? hehe)
Me: Kuntento na ako as friends. Mas magtatagal tayo as friends kesa partners.
Ex: (Never say never talaga tong si Justin Bieber este si Ex) If ever dumating yun, I'll still do my best to win you back :). Kahet gaano kahirap pa. I'll prove u na its worth a try.. Again!
Me: (speechless)
Ex: I was single for 4 years before u came, I dont mind waiting another 4 years kung yung taong mamahalin ko is worth it. Napasagot kita nuon (Yes, you heard him ryt, nanligaw at nag antay sya na mahalin ko. Abot ba jan haba ng hair ko?? Hihihi) coz nakita mo kung gaano ako kaseryoso sayo, nakita mo na malinis hangarin ko.
Me: Matulog ka na, puyat lang yan! (panira ng moment) Hahaha...


Is there really a second chance? Will it be really worth it? 


Im happy and contented with my current relationship running 5 months already. So what he's telling me is indeed a "wishful thinking".


I will stick to what I have been believing from the start, no second chances for me. Coz even before we parted ways with all of my ex's, I made sure I made only one thing: save it. So if I gave up, there's no turning back for me. For I only allowed myself to get hurt once, just once, so I only got you to blame. The 2nd time around that I got hurt by the same people, I'm already at fault.

The nights will be longer - another poem!

Poetry and writing are just two of the things I have forgotten to do in a while. College days honed these skills and even won me some cash. $$$ Hehe. But most of all, I write to express what I want, what I think and what my heart desires. 2011 promises a lot of things for me, this is one of them.  My first blood in poetry making =). Can someone make a melody for this? (asking much?)

Does love really exist?

I wish it’s something one can resist

Been hurt and killed by love before

Until I feel no pain no more

The nights become longer

Looking for a warm shoulder

I never think I could ever love again

For with love I ain’t gonna bargain

I’ve been telling myself

Please spare me the pain

Or find me someone to love again.

The nights are now longer

Thinking what could have been

Or if love will find its way back to me again

I’ve met hundreds, maybe a thousand more

That love is here, my hope just soar

I will love again, for that I’m sure

“There’s one for all of us”, as they say

I just wish whoever you are, do please stay

The nights will be longer, I’ll give it a day

Just so you know, “I love you” is all I want to say.

Someday - poem

Like a rose wilting and dying, so feels my heart.

You trampled the most fragile thing in my body, and left me for dead.

For a time you made me smile, stood up for me. My spirit was lifted.

This was the first time anyone did this, and for a time I felt loved because you made me.

I never wanted to leave your side.

I was afraid to lose you,

But reality hit me - you never felt the same,

I had been floating on a fake cloud.

Just as the song goes, and so does my love

Someday we will meet again without a frailing heart

I know that someday, someone will stay... :D

Chub Chaser

Hay.. I'm overshadowed by clouds of uncertainty so I just decided to post a blog here... to buy me some time from thinking what I just discovered... :(


Okay.


CHUB CHASER: attracted to someone stocky or chubby; ME


Eversince I learned about the bees and the flowers, I have been attracted to stocky/chub guys. Ewan ko ba.


I prefer maputi or moreno, and a very nice smile, a killer-smile na tipong pati eyes nila mag smile just by doing so. :) 


All of my exes are stocky to chubby guys. I like it when I cuddle my partner. I find warmth in their embraces.


Based on some saying, chubby guys are "relatively short down there". Hehe. Based from experience, I find it true which I dont mind coz I'm top. :) But there are, of course in any rule, exceptions. I've seen some chubs who got bigger "thing" than mine. Too bad, they're bottom. Hehe..


I find beards and goatees sexy appealing and their hands like small chorizos. Hehe..


I also do love their appetite for eating (obviously)! Sa mga partners ko lang naexperience kung san masarap kumain na restaurants, masarap na siomai, pancit, cakes, desserts, ice creams..


And most of all, I Loved all my Chub partners... :)


Kahit di sila makayuko to touch their toes, kahit hirap bilhan ng briefs kase bihira ang XXL or XXXL na size, kahit hirap sa ibang sex positions (Rated R), still, I know I loved them with all my heart.. and kahit ngayon sa partner ko, I know I loved him dearly...


Before, I used to think na chubby guys na lang pipiliin ko kase bihira lang nagkakagusto sa kanila at somehow may insecurities sila kase nga they are bigger than the usual... in other words, di ako lolokohin at sasaktan...


But I was wrong... :(


Hindi din pala. May mga chubby din pala na player type, meron ding sinungaling.


Which led me to a conclusion, its not the body type of a person which determines how they are in a relationship. Ganun din sila like sa mga slim and buff na tao, may player, may sinungaling...


I may still want a chub/stocky partner in case this wont work out.


But now I know I would want him not only because he's chubby, but I know there's one more good reason for me to love him more.

Wahhh... I'm so scared...

"Sunday (Oct 5) - So stress with work, q1H ang monitoring sa isang patient na malakas ang suicidal ideation. I gave her some counselling….. 5 pm need to meet My Ocamp0 ( may boylet) at SM North for dinner. ….My OcampO is so nice that he bring me home….so tired that i slept so early.

Monday (Oct 6) - As per planned, I went to Ermita to apply for a Job abroad as Psychiatric Nurse…Hay di katuwa, reception pa lang tumbling na….I asked details about the job ang sagot ng receptionist…Hindi ko alam! Hello! Kinuha ko ulit resume ko, sabay banat na, next time na me apply pag alam mo na details about the Job!….By 10 pm that day, I need to meet Frank ( my other bubuyog) … I spent my night with him. (hhhmmmm)"

These are not mine. I got this from one of the old blog of my current partner..

Just by the look of it, something is really not right... :(

Which makes me sad and worried by now...

I dont want to dwell on negativity by now, but I can't help it...

I've been having doubts eversince that multiple gay sites profile that he had..

And now this...:(

Di naman ako imbestigador but facts have been landing effortlessly since then...

Should I start to get worried? Should I spy? Or should I let this overcome me? :(

Grenade

I really like this song by Bruno Mars, entitled "Grenade"

Gusto ko sumabog at magpasabog, literally, figuratively and sexually.

Hay... malungkot ka na nga, tigang ka pa...

Unproductive Monday

Haist. As expected, di na naman kami lumakad ni partner. :(


Ayoko sana masanay pero wala ako magagawa eh. I can go out by myself pero lalo lang akong malulungkot. :(


Salamat sa mga nadiskubre kong blogs and it made my day worthwhile. Di ko na nga namamalayan ang oras ko. :)


Minsan nakikita ko sitwasyon ko sa kanila, or minsan yung mismong sarili ko sa mga ginagawa nila.


May tungkol sa family, sa love, sa partner, sa ex, sa sex, sa friends, kainuman or kahit nakita lang sa daan. Hehe.. 


Fun. Keeps me sane, at least for the meantime.


Pero tama nga ba na ganito na lang lagi? Na masanay sa di mo nakasanayan? Na ibaba mo yung standards mo para sa relasyong meron ka ngayon? Will it be worth it?


Di ko pa masagot yan kase "happy" pa naman ako sa ngayon... pero hanggang kailan?? 


Di ko din alam....

A Long-Alone Sunday

"Sabi sa census may 11 milyon na tao sa Metro Manila. Paano mo malalaman na nahanap mo na yung taong para sa'yo? Maaring nakita mo na siya, pero yumuko ka para magsintas. Maaring nakatabi mo na siya, pero lumingon ka para tingnan ang traffic lights. Maaring nakasalubong mo na siya pero humarang yung pedicab.

May mga maswerteng tao na nahanap na yung taong para sa kanila. May mga taong patuloy na naghahanap at may iba na sumuko na. Pero yung pinakamasaklap, eh yung na sayo na pinakawalan mo pa

alam kong masarap mainlab,, pero sabi nga nila, ang relationships ay para lang sa mga matatapang,,, pano kung maduwag ka,,, hindi ka nga masasaktan,,, pero mas mabigat naman sa pakiramdam ang pag-iisa.."


We were supposed to meet today, Sunday. Go to mass, watch a movie and spend some missed "quality time".


Im off at work at 6am, and so he is. I hurried myself to sleep so I can get up early and not feel sleazy later in the afternoon.


I so wanted to spend this day with him. :)


Then for some reason, half-expectedly, it was cancelled. :(


Its not the first time this happened nor Im surprised this actually happened. And I just shrugged my shoulders, what the heck!


Feeling low and down, I went off to Quiapo church..alone. Which I only do when Im single, hello!!, I'm not!!!


As we were nearing the "Our father", i glanced at the back and there I saw someone crying.


To my surprise, he caught my attention. I glanced the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, until I finally lost count.


The guy was a big, chub, moreno-type. Not that he's not my type, Im inside a church, but what really caught my attention was his sobbing. :(


He was literally in tears as he continuously wept throughout the mass. Then the realization touched me.


This man could have far more bigger problem than I have. And I just simply uttered "Lord, kung anuman dinadasal nya, I know YOU will give what he needs." And I prayed for my peace.


I have to thank God for all his blessings to me: my family, my work, my friends...whether this relationship I have will last, thank you still for the experience...as it made me things that I only do when I am single... to be talking to You, heart to heart, soul to soul...