The nights will be longer - another poem!

Poetry and writing are just two of the things I have forgotten to do in a while. College days honed these skills and even won me some cash. $$$ Hehe. But most of all, I write to express what I want, what I think and what my heart desires. 2011 promises a lot of things for me, this is one of them.  My first blood in poetry making =). Can someone make a melody for this? (asking much?)

Does love really exist?

I wish it’s something one can resist

Been hurt and killed by love before

Until I feel no pain no more

The nights become longer

Looking for a warm shoulder

I never think I could ever love again

For with love I ain’t gonna bargain

I’ve been telling myself

Please spare me the pain

Or find me someone to love again.

The nights are now longer

Thinking what could have been

Or if love will find its way back to me again

I’ve met hundreds, maybe a thousand more

That love is here, my hope just soar

I will love again, for that I’m sure

“There’s one for all of us”, as they say

I just wish whoever you are, do please stay

The nights will be longer, I’ll give it a day

Just so you know, “I love you” is all I want to say.

Someday - poem

Like a rose wilting and dying, so feels my heart.

You trampled the most fragile thing in my body, and left me for dead.

For a time you made me smile, stood up for me. My spirit was lifted.

This was the first time anyone did this, and for a time I felt loved because you made me.

I never wanted to leave your side.

I was afraid to lose you,

But reality hit me - you never felt the same,

I had been floating on a fake cloud.

Just as the song goes, and so does my love

Someday we will meet again without a frailing heart

I know that someday, someone will stay... :D

Chub Chaser

Hay.. I'm overshadowed by clouds of uncertainty so I just decided to post a blog here... to buy me some time from thinking what I just discovered... :(


Okay.


CHUB CHASER: attracted to someone stocky or chubby; ME


Eversince I learned about the bees and the flowers, I have been attracted to stocky/chub guys. Ewan ko ba.


I prefer maputi or moreno, and a very nice smile, a killer-smile na tipong pati eyes nila mag smile just by doing so. :) 


All of my exes are stocky to chubby guys. I like it when I cuddle my partner. I find warmth in their embraces.


Based on some saying, chubby guys are "relatively short down there". Hehe. Based from experience, I find it true which I dont mind coz I'm top. :) But there are, of course in any rule, exceptions. I've seen some chubs who got bigger "thing" than mine. Too bad, they're bottom. Hehe..


I find beards and goatees sexy appealing and their hands like small chorizos. Hehe..


I also do love their appetite for eating (obviously)! Sa mga partners ko lang naexperience kung san masarap kumain na restaurants, masarap na siomai, pancit, cakes, desserts, ice creams..


And most of all, I Loved all my Chub partners... :)


Kahit di sila makayuko to touch their toes, kahit hirap bilhan ng briefs kase bihira ang XXL or XXXL na size, kahit hirap sa ibang sex positions (Rated R), still, I know I loved them with all my heart.. and kahit ngayon sa partner ko, I know I loved him dearly...


Before, I used to think na chubby guys na lang pipiliin ko kase bihira lang nagkakagusto sa kanila at somehow may insecurities sila kase nga they are bigger than the usual... in other words, di ako lolokohin at sasaktan...


But I was wrong... :(


Hindi din pala. May mga chubby din pala na player type, meron ding sinungaling.


Which led me to a conclusion, its not the body type of a person which determines how they are in a relationship. Ganun din sila like sa mga slim and buff na tao, may player, may sinungaling...


I may still want a chub/stocky partner in case this wont work out.


But now I know I would want him not only because he's chubby, but I know there's one more good reason for me to love him more.

Wahhh... I'm so scared...

"Sunday (Oct 5) - So stress with work, q1H ang monitoring sa isang patient na malakas ang suicidal ideation. I gave her some counselling….. 5 pm need to meet My Ocamp0 ( may boylet) at SM North for dinner. ….My OcampO is so nice that he bring me home….so tired that i slept so early.

Monday (Oct 6) - As per planned, I went to Ermita to apply for a Job abroad as Psychiatric Nurse…Hay di katuwa, reception pa lang tumbling na….I asked details about the job ang sagot ng receptionist…Hindi ko alam! Hello! Kinuha ko ulit resume ko, sabay banat na, next time na me apply pag alam mo na details about the Job!….By 10 pm that day, I need to meet Frank ( my other bubuyog) … I spent my night with him. (hhhmmmm)"

These are not mine. I got this from one of the old blog of my current partner..

Just by the look of it, something is really not right... :(

Which makes me sad and worried by now...

I dont want to dwell on negativity by now, but I can't help it...

I've been having doubts eversince that multiple gay sites profile that he had..

And now this...:(

Di naman ako imbestigador but facts have been landing effortlessly since then...

Should I start to get worried? Should I spy? Or should I let this overcome me? :(

Grenade

I really like this song by Bruno Mars, entitled "Grenade"

Gusto ko sumabog at magpasabog, literally, figuratively and sexually.

Hay... malungkot ka na nga, tigang ka pa...

Unproductive Monday

Haist. As expected, di na naman kami lumakad ni partner. :(


Ayoko sana masanay pero wala ako magagawa eh. I can go out by myself pero lalo lang akong malulungkot. :(


Salamat sa mga nadiskubre kong blogs and it made my day worthwhile. Di ko na nga namamalayan ang oras ko. :)


Minsan nakikita ko sitwasyon ko sa kanila, or minsan yung mismong sarili ko sa mga ginagawa nila.


May tungkol sa family, sa love, sa partner, sa ex, sa sex, sa friends, kainuman or kahit nakita lang sa daan. Hehe.. 


Fun. Keeps me sane, at least for the meantime.


Pero tama nga ba na ganito na lang lagi? Na masanay sa di mo nakasanayan? Na ibaba mo yung standards mo para sa relasyong meron ka ngayon? Will it be worth it?


Di ko pa masagot yan kase "happy" pa naman ako sa ngayon... pero hanggang kailan?? 


Di ko din alam....

A Long-Alone Sunday

"Sabi sa census may 11 milyon na tao sa Metro Manila. Paano mo malalaman na nahanap mo na yung taong para sa'yo? Maaring nakita mo na siya, pero yumuko ka para magsintas. Maaring nakatabi mo na siya, pero lumingon ka para tingnan ang traffic lights. Maaring nakasalubong mo na siya pero humarang yung pedicab.

May mga maswerteng tao na nahanap na yung taong para sa kanila. May mga taong patuloy na naghahanap at may iba na sumuko na. Pero yung pinakamasaklap, eh yung na sayo na pinakawalan mo pa

alam kong masarap mainlab,, pero sabi nga nila, ang relationships ay para lang sa mga matatapang,,, pano kung maduwag ka,,, hindi ka nga masasaktan,,, pero mas mabigat naman sa pakiramdam ang pag-iisa.."


We were supposed to meet today, Sunday. Go to mass, watch a movie and spend some missed "quality time".


Im off at work at 6am, and so he is. I hurried myself to sleep so I can get up early and not feel sleazy later in the afternoon.


I so wanted to spend this day with him. :)


Then for some reason, half-expectedly, it was cancelled. :(


Its not the first time this happened nor Im surprised this actually happened. And I just shrugged my shoulders, what the heck!


Feeling low and down, I went off to Quiapo church..alone. Which I only do when Im single, hello!!, I'm not!!!


As we were nearing the "Our father", i glanced at the back and there I saw someone crying.


To my surprise, he caught my attention. I glanced the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, until I finally lost count.


The guy was a big, chub, moreno-type. Not that he's not my type, Im inside a church, but what really caught my attention was his sobbing. :(


He was literally in tears as he continuously wept throughout the mass. Then the realization touched me.


This man could have far more bigger problem than I have. And I just simply uttered "Lord, kung anuman dinadasal nya, I know YOU will give what he needs." And I prayed for my peace.


I have to thank God for all his blessings to me: my family, my work, my friends...whether this relationship I have will last, thank you still for the experience...as it made me things that I only do when I am single... to be talking to You, heart to heart, soul to soul...